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Sep. 8th, 2006 12:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kat8chaOkay, so about half an hour ago I signed off of AIM because weetanya and I got into a bit of a fight. Tan and I tend to get into fights a lot, mainly because I get upset about something and oh my god, I say something about it. Now, if it was anyone *but* Tan, things would be *ignored* and in a few hours, I'd be fine again. But, it's Tan, so she wants to know WTF and has her own ideas of what's wrong. Almost all of them include her apoligizing.
I would really prefer if I didn't have to tell her to stop apoligizing.This is not YOUR FAULT TAN!!!!! It's' MINE!!! Which I know, is a hard concept for you to understand. Because we're so fucking similiar.
That's problem number 1. B/c of the similiarities I have a tendency to get jealous, bitter, and occasionally angry. (Luckily Tan seems to only share my good points and none of my faults, except the jealousy thing). I'm also, as far as I can tell, just a little bit in love with Tan. It's sort of an idyllic senpai/kouhai type love. Cept it's not. B/c like in all yaoi manga, the kouhai gets jealous, angry, betrayed, etc.
I'd be happier if I ran away to the senpai's best friend and got abused and molested. At least I'd be getting some.
That is, of course, the main issue. As is a lot of our fights. I'm just...
Okay, when I complain about 'it's been so long since....' about someone RPing something, or about getting sex... I feel my complaint is brushed aside. Cause it's Kat. It's not like I really care that much, I mean, I'll just go off and sulk or something. Or I can find alternate ways of venting, I do have those. And it's not like I feel ignored, especially with RPing, since I know that a lot of the RP girls don't even RP much. Like Zumi, or Emi or Wri, or Oko or Tenshi. And Em II's (bit_dreams) just never on AIM and I totally feel she got a bad deal with the old RP and.... yeah.
It's not like I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with the RP anymore. Which is good. I sorta felt all sorts of.... ~_~ about that. I mean, we play all the time, and seriously, I poked about a band!AU and voila! AU!
It's just... I'm probably jealous of Tan's ability to say 'I want this' or 'give me that' that I don't have. Like... every time she makes a request of something she wants in the Chat... I sorta wanna bitchslap her. But at the same time I totally want to say the same and have people pay attention. And Tan if you take this seriously and stop doing it I will bitchslap you. This is *not* something you need to work on. You do *not* need to change. If you *EVER* feel that *MY* problems should be fixed by *YOU NOT BEING YOU* I will *leave* the RP. I will block your AIM screenname, and I will defreind you and start locking posts.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THIS IS NOT YOUR ISSUE TO FIX THIS IS MY ISSUE THAT IS CAUSING PROBLEMS FOR THE BOTH OF US AND NEEDS RESOLUTION AND FOR ME TO CHANGE/GET OVER IT/BE A MAN
And I know, that you really don't care. B/c it affects me and as such you want to fix it. You know I'm not a child. If anyone else verbally bitchslapped you like I have I would kick their ass, and make sure you knew that it was not your fault. It's you being you and me being me and sometimes the little moon gets a little jealous when the sun eclipses it. Allow me my craters and don't try to implode okay?
It's probably got something to do with my deep seated fear of rejection, and that I feel like now that someone better has come along I'll be tossed to the side. >> See, this is why I try not to have regular close contact with people. I get weird and twitchy and all sorts of ...~_~
And no, I'm not going to lock this, or put it under a cut, or filter it. I'm going to leave comments open, I don't want sympathy here people. If you're going to tell me anything, help me figure out just what my damage is.
I would really prefer if I didn't have to tell her to stop apoligizing.This is not YOUR FAULT TAN!!!!! It's' MINE!!! Which I know, is a hard concept for you to understand. Because we're so fucking similiar.
That's problem number 1. B/c of the similiarities I have a tendency to get jealous, bitter, and occasionally angry. (Luckily Tan seems to only share my good points and none of my faults, except the jealousy thing). I'm also, as far as I can tell, just a little bit in love with Tan. It's sort of an idyllic senpai/kouhai type love. Cept it's not. B/c like in all yaoi manga, the kouhai gets jealous, angry, betrayed, etc.
I'd be happier if I ran away to the senpai's best friend and got abused and molested. At least I'd be getting some.
That is, of course, the main issue. As is a lot of our fights. I'm just...
Okay, when I complain about 'it's been so long since....' about someone RPing something, or about getting sex... I feel my complaint is brushed aside. Cause it's Kat. It's not like I really care that much, I mean, I'll just go off and sulk or something. Or I can find alternate ways of venting, I do have those. And it's not like I feel ignored, especially with RPing, since I know that a lot of the RP girls don't even RP much. Like Zumi, or Emi or Wri, or Oko or Tenshi. And Em II's (bit_dreams) just never on AIM and I totally feel she got a bad deal with the old RP and.... yeah.
It's not like I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with the RP anymore. Which is good. I sorta felt all sorts of.... ~_~ about that. I mean, we play all the time, and seriously, I poked about a band!AU and voila! AU!
It's just... I'm probably jealous of Tan's ability to say 'I want this' or 'give me that' that I don't have. Like... every time she makes a request of something she wants in the Chat... I sorta wanna bitchslap her. But at the same time I totally want to say the same and have people pay attention. And Tan if you take this seriously and stop doing it I will bitchslap you. This is *not* something you need to work on. You do *not* need to change. If you *EVER* feel that *MY* problems should be fixed by *YOU NOT BEING YOU* I will *leave* the RP. I will block your AIM screenname, and I will defreind you and start locking posts.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THIS IS NOT YOUR ISSUE TO FIX THIS IS MY ISSUE THAT IS CAUSING PROBLEMS FOR THE BOTH OF US AND NEEDS RESOLUTION AND FOR ME TO CHANGE/GET OVER IT/BE A MAN
And I know, that you really don't care. B/c it affects me and as such you want to fix it. You know I'm not a child. If anyone else verbally bitchslapped you like I have I would kick their ass, and make sure you knew that it was not your fault. It's you being you and me being me and sometimes the little moon gets a little jealous when the sun eclipses it. Allow me my craters and don't try to implode okay?
It's probably got something to do with my deep seated fear of rejection, and that I feel like now that someone better has come along I'll be tossed to the side. >> See, this is why I try not to have regular close contact with people. I get weird and twitchy and all sorts of ...~_~
And no, I'm not going to lock this, or put it under a cut, or filter it. I'm going to leave comments open, I don't want sympathy here people. If you're going to tell me anything, help me figure out just what my damage is.
