for redmoonmurder
Jun. 20th, 2010 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kat8chaHe doesn't…
He can't say it.
Not now, not ever, and certainly not then. It's one of those things that Kida hates about himself, that cowardice, that part of himself still trapped in the past that can't move forward. Even now that he's accepted his past, and Saki, and Mikado, and Anri, and everyone's secrets… Kida still can't wholly accept himself and just come out and say thing sometimes. It's why he ran from Mikado and Anri.
Well, that, and he's undermining Izaya from the inside. From underneath? Kida's not sure. Anyway, he's gathering intelligence for Izaya and then gathering COUNTER intelligence.
…uh, for himself. And Saki and Anri and Mikado and the black rider and Kadota and his gang and…
And for everyone Izaya's ever hurt or maimed or even looked at wrong.
But Kida's not doing it BECAUSE of Izaya, he's doing it because of himself.
Still, despite the great leaps and bounds Kida has made and despite the fact that even Simon would tell you that Kida can occasionally look like an adult… Kida's still a teenage boy and there are some things he can't and won't and will never say.
Or, maybe will say some time in the future.
Things like 'I love you' and 'you're beautiful in the morning' and 'I'm glad they didn't break your fingers'. He especially doesn't say these things when he's stroking Saki's fingers under the bright neon lights of an evening in Shinjuku or when they're holding hands and looking inconspicuous while wandering around Roppongi or even when Saki's fingers are massaging his scalp while they kiss.
And most certainly he would never say these things while watching Saki grace the keys of a piano with her long elegant pianist fingers, especially since Saki's never PLAYED the piano.
But maybe she will some day.
And that's why Kida is glad they didn't break her fingers.
He can't say it.
Not now, not ever, and certainly not then. It's one of those things that Kida hates about himself, that cowardice, that part of himself still trapped in the past that can't move forward. Even now that he's accepted his past, and Saki, and Mikado, and Anri, and everyone's secrets… Kida still can't wholly accept himself and just come out and say thing sometimes. It's why he ran from Mikado and Anri.
Well, that, and he's undermining Izaya from the inside. From underneath? Kida's not sure. Anyway, he's gathering intelligence for Izaya and then gathering COUNTER intelligence.
…uh, for himself. And Saki and Anri and Mikado and the black rider and Kadota and his gang and…
And for everyone Izaya's ever hurt or maimed or even looked at wrong.
But Kida's not doing it BECAUSE of Izaya, he's doing it because of himself.
Still, despite the great leaps and bounds Kida has made and despite the fact that even Simon would tell you that Kida can occasionally look like an adult… Kida's still a teenage boy and there are some things he can't and won't and will never say.
Or, maybe will say some time in the future.
Things like 'I love you' and 'you're beautiful in the morning' and 'I'm glad they didn't break your fingers'. He especially doesn't say these things when he's stroking Saki's fingers under the bright neon lights of an evening in Shinjuku or when they're holding hands and looking inconspicuous while wandering around Roppongi or even when Saki's fingers are massaging his scalp while they kiss.
And most certainly he would never say these things while watching Saki grace the keys of a piano with her long elegant pianist fingers, especially since Saki's never PLAYED the piano.
But maybe she will some day.
And that's why Kida is glad they didn't break her fingers.
