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Jun. 25th, 2009 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kat8chaThe first time Yamamoto does it, he doesn't know who to turn to. He does not walk around with his hands covered in blood, crying 'out damn spot' like the crazy woman in that play that he had attended with Tsuna and Gokudera. Yamamoto's hands are clean. In fact, he is all clean. Perhaps it would be easier to handle if he was splattered in blood, he could throw his clothes away, collapse in a shower, and scrub his skin raw. The kill had been a clean one, thought the death had been messy. It would be easier if there was rain to wander through, letting the downpour drench his clothes and his hair while he wandered the streets, like a scene in a drama.
It was a clear sky, with no chance of rain.
Ironic.
Yamamoto can not go to Tsuna. He cannot look Tsuna in the eye and say 'I killed someone'. Tsuna knows. Tsuna is the reason the man is dead, and Yamamoto's hands were the ones that killed him. It's Yamamoto's first time killing. He has never killed before, not even after all those years as Tsuna's guardian. Not even after their trip to the future.
Yamamoto has never killed someone before.
Gokudera is out. Gokudera's reaction to Yamamoto has mellowed with time, but it is still not the type of connection Yamamoto needs. He will not fill this void that has now opened up inside of Yamamoto. Gokudera would call Yamamoto an idiot, ask him what he thought he was getting into, and insult his devotion to Tsuna and the Vongola. Gokudera would yell, growl, bite a cigarette. He'd start a fight. Yamamoto is not in the mood for a fight. Yamamoto knows he would crumble behind a smile, as the void grew larger inside of him until he was swallowed all up, and Yamamoto knows that Gokudera would see it. The next time they go out, Gokudera would protect Yamamoto, and that was unacceptable.
Yamamoto understands what Squalo meant about pledging himself. Yamamoto cannot be an assassin if he still holds hopes for a normal life. It will not work.
Squalo is also out. He wouldn't understand. Yamamoto's not sure that Squalo ever felt remorse for killing. If Squalo did though, there is only one man who would know.
"Yamamoto!" Dino's golden hair shimmers in the sunlight, and he pulls himself out of the pool to drip water on the surrounding stone. "Is there something you needed?" Dino's trunks are yellow, with a blue band. Dino's eyes are clear and sunny, but hold a depth that Tsuna only displays when fired up. "Do you want a swimsuit?"
"Dino-san." Yamamoto lets the smile drop, a smile he wore through the streets and past Dino's men. "I need to talk."
"Mmm." Dino nods. "You know, swimming? Not too good for talking. Let's go inside."
It was a clear sky, with no chance of rain.
Ironic.
Yamamoto can not go to Tsuna. He cannot look Tsuna in the eye and say 'I killed someone'. Tsuna knows. Tsuna is the reason the man is dead, and Yamamoto's hands were the ones that killed him. It's Yamamoto's first time killing. He has never killed before, not even after all those years as Tsuna's guardian. Not even after their trip to the future.
Yamamoto has never killed someone before.
Gokudera is out. Gokudera's reaction to Yamamoto has mellowed with time, but it is still not the type of connection Yamamoto needs. He will not fill this void that has now opened up inside of Yamamoto. Gokudera would call Yamamoto an idiot, ask him what he thought he was getting into, and insult his devotion to Tsuna and the Vongola. Gokudera would yell, growl, bite a cigarette. He'd start a fight. Yamamoto is not in the mood for a fight. Yamamoto knows he would crumble behind a smile, as the void grew larger inside of him until he was swallowed all up, and Yamamoto knows that Gokudera would see it. The next time they go out, Gokudera would protect Yamamoto, and that was unacceptable.
Yamamoto understands what Squalo meant about pledging himself. Yamamoto cannot be an assassin if he still holds hopes for a normal life. It will not work.
Squalo is also out. He wouldn't understand. Yamamoto's not sure that Squalo ever felt remorse for killing. If Squalo did though, there is only one man who would know.
"Yamamoto!" Dino's golden hair shimmers in the sunlight, and he pulls himself out of the pool to drip water on the surrounding stone. "Is there something you needed?" Dino's trunks are yellow, with a blue band. Dino's eyes are clear and sunny, but hold a depth that Tsuna only displays when fired up. "Do you want a swimsuit?"
"Dino-san." Yamamoto lets the smile drop, a smile he wore through the streets and past Dino's men. "I need to talk."
"Mmm." Dino nods. "You know, swimming? Not too good for talking. Let's go inside."
