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kat8chaThe kid was... well, he was adorable, there was no way around that. Kirk could even admit the kid was attractive. Kirk wasn't really into boys, but he was a 23rd century man, he'd done that before and might do it again. In fact, Kirk was considering doing that with his first officer, and if he could get Uhura thrown into the bargain that'd be sweet. That was beside the point though. The point was, Chekov was attractive. He was cute, he had those eyes, the curls, and the accent.
Chekov also had brains, so it wasn't like he was being held back because there was nothing to back the looks up or because there was nothing but brains there. It was just that the kid didn't have any experience, and watching people flirt with a kid who didn't even seem to NOTICE was going to drive Kirk out of his mind.
"Hey, hey, Ensign." Kirk waved Chekov over. The younger man looked around slightly nervous, but he went soon enough, his eyes shining with either hero worship or tears. Kirk hoped it was the first. "Look, Ensign..." Kirk wasn't sure how to break it to the kid.
"Yes, keptin?" Chekov prompted hopefully, all spit shine and Starfleet Academy gold.
Looking around for something, anything, to make breaking this easier Kirk noticed the way Sulu had spotted them but was shaking his head. Not what he'd been planning on working with bu- Then the doors to the cantina swooshed open (and how dramatic was that) and there it was.
That was what Kirk needed.
"Bones!" Kirk waved his free arm, the other wrapping around Chekov's shoulders to keep the kid in place. McCoy didn't look entertained, in fact he looked downright suspicious. That was okay, McCoy was always suspicious.
"Okay, Chekov, see last night Doctor McCoy and I were discussing mating rituals."
"What?!" McCoy snapped, shocked. "Jim what the hell are you-" Free hand slapped over McCoy's mouth.
"And I thought I should quiz you on them, since you got into that trouble on... what was the planet called again?" Chekov, and half the room, looked ready to fill in the blanks, but Kirk waved his, oh no more free hands, shook his head. "Anyway, it's important to learn to recognize species mating rituals. There are a few things that should tip you off, can you name one?"
"Manhandling." Bones muttered against Kirk's palm before he pushed it away. "Jim..."
But Chekov was looking as attentive as a new cadet in a Starfleet History 101 course. "Um. Getting naked?"
Kirk wasn't surprised. "That's a species standard, yes, but what about something before that?" Because by the time most mating rituals got that far along, poor Chekov was going to get screwed.
Chekov bit his bottom lip for a second before brightening. "Kissing?"
Bones even looked a little dumbfounded. "Can you try to think of something that might happen before physical intimacy, ensign?"
"But I thought ve vere discussing mating rituals keptin."
"Right, mating rituals, which sometimes start way before the actual act of..." Sensible non-offensive way of phrasing this, what was a sensible non-offensive way of phrasing-
"Coitus." McCoy finished up, and Kirk clapped him on the back. Good man, Bones.
Chekov appeared to actually be considering the problem as, well, a problem. "Vell, ze Wulcans have Pon Farr?"
"Yes th-" Kirk stopped. "Wait, Wu-Vulcans have what?" He was aware that, you know, SPOCK made out with people, but Spock was half-human.
Vulcans had sex? He kind of thought they grew the kids in tubes...
"Ignore him." McCoy said to Chekov. "He never paid attention in Biology."
Chekov gave Kirk a serious look. "Zen maybe you should be studying mating rituals, keptin."
"He does." McCoy stated gruffly. "Frequently."
Chekov also had brains, so it wasn't like he was being held back because there was nothing to back the looks up or because there was nothing but brains there. It was just that the kid didn't have any experience, and watching people flirt with a kid who didn't even seem to NOTICE was going to drive Kirk out of his mind.
"Hey, hey, Ensign." Kirk waved Chekov over. The younger man looked around slightly nervous, but he went soon enough, his eyes shining with either hero worship or tears. Kirk hoped it was the first. "Look, Ensign..." Kirk wasn't sure how to break it to the kid.
"Yes, keptin?" Chekov prompted hopefully, all spit shine and Starfleet Academy gold.
Looking around for something, anything, to make breaking this easier Kirk noticed the way Sulu had spotted them but was shaking his head. Not what he'd been planning on working with bu- Then the doors to the cantina swooshed open (and how dramatic was that) and there it was.
That was what Kirk needed.
"Bones!" Kirk waved his free arm, the other wrapping around Chekov's shoulders to keep the kid in place. McCoy didn't look entertained, in fact he looked downright suspicious. That was okay, McCoy was always suspicious.
"Okay, Chekov, see last night Doctor McCoy and I were discussing mating rituals."
"What?!" McCoy snapped, shocked. "Jim what the hell are you-" Free hand slapped over McCoy's mouth.
"And I thought I should quiz you on them, since you got into that trouble on... what was the planet called again?" Chekov, and half the room, looked ready to fill in the blanks, but Kirk waved his, oh no more free hands, shook his head. "Anyway, it's important to learn to recognize species mating rituals. There are a few things that should tip you off, can you name one?"
"Manhandling." Bones muttered against Kirk's palm before he pushed it away. "Jim..."
But Chekov was looking as attentive as a new cadet in a Starfleet History 101 course. "Um. Getting naked?"
Kirk wasn't surprised. "That's a species standard, yes, but what about something before that?" Because by the time most mating rituals got that far along, poor Chekov was going to get screwed.
Chekov bit his bottom lip for a second before brightening. "Kissing?"
Bones even looked a little dumbfounded. "Can you try to think of something that might happen before physical intimacy, ensign?"
"But I thought ve vere discussing mating rituals keptin."
"Right, mating rituals, which sometimes start way before the actual act of..." Sensible non-offensive way of phrasing this, what was a sensible non-offensive way of phrasing-
"Coitus." McCoy finished up, and Kirk clapped him on the back. Good man, Bones.
Chekov appeared to actually be considering the problem as, well, a problem. "Vell, ze Wulcans have Pon Farr?"
"Yes th-" Kirk stopped. "Wait, Wu-Vulcans have what?" He was aware that, you know, SPOCK made out with people, but Spock was half-human.
Vulcans had sex? He kind of thought they grew the kids in tubes...
"Ignore him." McCoy said to Chekov. "He never paid attention in Biology."
Chekov gave Kirk a serious look. "Zen maybe you should be studying mating rituals, keptin."
"He does." McCoy stated gruffly. "Frequently."
